The fucking Flip Side

And On the flip side I fucking hate you both..
Allowing me to see what ever good god gave you and then
after I was lured in ..
rotting to the core , and I was left with shit.
Making me feel like Pavlov's dog.. anything that resembles love.. I should consider danger.
You had to have seen the good in me or you both wouldn't have stayed around so long.
Sad that I lost you .. no. Just sad that I spent over a decade on this trial and error bullshit.
12 years of this back and forth .. double dutch shit .. Guess who loves you ??
Guess who don't
Well fuck that .. cause honestly in time I will get my mind right .. and things will be right where they are supposed to be .. with someone who is sure.
Meanwhile. have fun with your playground antics

I think I found her.

So I haven't been here lately.
When I say here.. I kinda just mean present.
I started to feel bad because everyone said I changed.
Everyone saw the pain.
Everyone saw the life drained from me.
Everyone,
but me.
Living on a prayer and a wish ..
and hope..
Because I believe you can make shit happen ..
I was addicted.
I was restricting myself from life.
I was suffocating . But If i read back in to my memoirs
This woman has been suffocating for awhile.
Although letting go is hard ..Now I smell the summer air
and I see colors brighter than ever.
I am still hopeful , but for myself
I will finally have some form of normality.
I found her.. I found me ..
Focused and not giving a fuck ..
Short and outspoken ,..and good to go! .
This is a take it or leave it kinda thing ..
No more transforming for this one ..
because I was already more than meets the eye..
trying to find my love for Hip-hop and things that made me whole
sleeping diagonal on the bed. and  stripping in the kitchen because I CAN ..
Getting back the comfort with in my self.. because he made me forget how beautiful I am.
How strong I am .. Where the fuck I come from and What I have been through ..
Not to be lost again .. I think I found her .. I found me..