random shyt

I assume that some things are not for me to figure out. For someone is suppose to have the answers to everything, I find my self in the dark more often then none.
I really thought that I had this relationship thing figured out, and maybe to some extent I do.
Maybe the breed of men I dated needs were different. Food, sex and shelter right?
I thought that was the basis. Maybe perhaps some men don't prioritize properly. Or maybe just maybe the objective of companionship has been jaded.
ahh .. God save the queen ..
I tap out because I really dont get it anymore and further more, my own self is being mutilated in the process.
trying should be banned from my vocab .. and dealing .. may replace it .. trust they are different..
Karma keeps me sane at night and free from sin as you will ..
but how long do you walk on glass before you grab your shoes and bounce?
To my friend who worry .. i love you for it .. and I am sorry ..
but I am stubborn .. and hopeful ..
I really did think i had the answers to everything .. and that I could fix anything.. I am not so sure anymore.. its sunday .. and that love i once spoke of .. well its just a cool poem now .. thats its .. ta -da !!

Second chance Tuesdays

So to give or get a second chance at a relationship is the question for the new year. Are there any real rules and regulations to this...? No.. Ofcourse not. It is a case by case, heart of the matter kind of situation. A good friend of mine got in to this situation where her ex played her.not even on some cheating shit, like messing for her livelyhood.. After all was said he wanted to come back, with words of him being a changed man.. She kinda took his word .. And viola!! He didn't... I myself being in similar situations have given into that second chance tuesday programming and sometimes there is new problems but not old problems... People grow... Sometimes up and sometimes apart. And maybe sometimes not at all. At the end of the day u need to analyze the reason why that person left ur side. If they didn't cheat, stab your momma, or take ur dough.. What's wrong with a second chance??? I mean seriously... Better to know.. Then to sit around and wonder ..

Suffocating

Self realization.
is that a word.. Well tonight its my anthem.
getting focused never took so long
Are you intentioanlly stabbing me
or did the knife slip out your hand and selfishly in to my heart
So I am not important?
and i dont matter?
Are you lacking emotion or senses?
Trying to teach a man what love is was not the job I applied for.
Hoping for a man to feel what love is, I never thought was a job.
But shit you make me work for it..
breathe deeply sir.. the air around you is barely yours ..
and I guess not mine either.. and since the word "ours" doesnt exist
we suffocate
Sitting alone, wondering why the easy things dont come
nature or nuture ?
I get neither..
I stay faithful , because I am a good woman ..
a strong woman .. yet I let you weaken me.
I am stretching , and scratching to the top..
i am suffocating ..
Turn around..
for a minute , be real
be here..
be alert
your fall will be hard off that pedastal ...
will you ever realize your reign?
will you ever realize my potential
or just continue to abuse my soul ..
cause tonight
its suffocating

Darkness

In the darkness of my room I peer out the window and I see the light on the horizon..
It far. But familar.
It enviting but scary
I look back in to my darkness where I have acclimated my wounded soul and feel a sense of comfort.
Darkness hold me like it will never let go
Kisses me like there's no one else
But is unforgiving and stubborn.
thinking if I can just bring my darkness into light then may be I can breathe again.
Or maybe just maybe my darkness will wear thin and shine
Darkness is my friend and it may never be more.

Yet if light is where I yearn to be ....
Darkness stays indoors

oldie but goodie... So i wait ..

So I sit back and quietly wait
Waiting for a train that may never pull up to my station.
Waiting for a moment that you only see in movies.
Things that seem so natural here seem so distant when I play in my real world.
But tucked under bed sheet tents and passion lies a something that is irresistible.
So I wait..
Now there is word play and intangible moments when we meet
It’s like we start the sentence, but can’t end it due to unspoken rules and unfinished feelings.
Giving me options that don’t exist.. Hoping that you would take it seriously for just a minute,
But I’m finished...
Or am I..
Awaiting that moment of clarity
But who will see clearly first
Hmmp .. It still hurts

Hard to Swallow........

Umm no .. get ya mind out of the gutter...
So I read..
I pause...
I ache....
I cant ...
So I read...
I smile..
I laugh...

I wait ....
So I read..
........ I ache ...
I'm sorry .... again ..

days I sit in regret will never excuse me .
or your feelings..
So I read..

and Now I write...
I left with good intentions..
Left the country ... Came home .. a ounce less plagued then before only angrier..
Mad at the wrong person perhap, but in true pisces form i needed to place the blame some where in the pool...
So I picked the furthest person .. and yet it all come around to me ..
and my bad karma for you does as well ..
So i know sorry will never be enough ..
and maybe if i stepped aside and saw yor intentions , I wouldnt weep at night
I wouldnt have a emptyness about the room and my world.
But head up young gal ..
you cant live on maybe's
that is the street you took .. that and the road to good intentions and we are not in smallville anymore..
we are lost ..
but shit .. what else is new

I am glad happiness rang your bell ..
point taken ... i'll fade to black ...
pz

good stuff to know..

27 Ways to Know If You've Found the Right Relationship for You
By Stacy D. Phillips Special to Yahoo! Personals Updated: Dec 1, 2008

There is nothing more glorious than falling in love! What a wonderful feeling it is when, after all that searching and seeking, you finally hook up with that compatible mate. But wait! How can you know that the person you think is right for you, is really right for you?
All you have to do is make sure that you ask the appropriate questions. At the right time and place, I suggest the two of you exchange answers to the following questions:
1. Kids or no kids
2. Smoking or no smoking
3. Drinking or no drinking? (Same for drugs)
4. Religious beliefs: Match? Blend? Clash
5. Who works? Who stays home (especially when the kids come along)
6. Who wants to live where?
7. Who controls the checkbook
8. What is his/her personal relationship with his/her family? Too distant? Too close Too weird? Appropriate to your standards?
9. How are holidays spent? At home? With family? Alone? Vacationing
10. Windows opened or closed? Heat/AC on or off
11. What side of the bed must you (he/she) sleep on
12. Where to spend vacations? Leisure time
13. Sick: Left alone or babied
14. Appropriate gift giving: birthdays? Yuletide holidays? Special occasions
15. Who does what around the house
16. What is acceptable hygiene
17. What are his/her hobbies, pastimes
18. Preferences: Music? Movie? Book favorites
19. Favorite foods
20. Pets or no pets? What kind
21. Decisions about the children: School, church, discipline, allowance, extra curricular activities, friends, and curfew?
22. Mealtimes: Early or late
23. Furniture: Vintage or contemporary
24. Sleeping habits: Four hours or eight?More compatibility factors
If this list is not enough to help you determine whether or not your new love is right for you, try these:
1. How does your new love handle a crisis?
2. Behave in public places?
3. Treat your friends and family?
I also think you can tell a great deal about your new mate by the way he treats his mother and how she treats her father. Observing how a person regards that parent is key in establishing how he or she will treat you!